Healing the darkness of sin within by joining with Jesus in my mind.
One night in mid 2013, I had a nightmare during the night. In this nightmare, I was standing on the side of a freeway and I was watching two huge trucks coming towards me which were out of control. They were coming straight at me skidding and moving very fast, very much like action movies these days.
I woke up just before they hit me, with my heart beating so fast and fear in my mind. A few minutes later I heard my phone ping with an incoming message. It was from an ACIM friend’s sister, who I had never met. Her name was Linda and her message said that she had just woken up and felt immediately to contact me to see if I was ok.
Linda and I had only every said hello via text messaging when I met her sister at a retreat. So, it was quite odd to hear from her, but I felt immediately that the Holy Spirit had organised this. I text back that I had just had a nightmare and was feeling quite shaken. She replied that if I would like, she would call me after work that day and we can discuss.
When I got home from work, I ate some dinner and got ready for my call. I sat on my bed and called Linda. She asked me to explain in detail the nightmare and after that, she asked if I was open to do a visualisation with Jesus, that she would lead me through. I was very interested in doing this.
I cannot remember what she said to take me into this visualisation. All I remember was, all of a sudden, I was with Jesus in a very real way. I asked her if I could tell her what I was seeing. So I started to describe what was happening. I was at the bottom of the Cross and Jesus was on the Cross. He came down from the cross and sat on the sand very quietly. I sat down opposite him on the sand below the cross. We sat in silence and I could not look at him because I felt so unworthy of his love.
I talked to Him through my mind. I told him how I wanted to know his love, but I had this huge dark stain of sin within. I looked down at my chest and stomach area and there was like a huge vase shaped dark black hole inside. It felt so dreadful. So dark. So unbearably hard to deal with. I felt this intense calling out to him for help.
He looked at me and I saw the most incredible love in his eyes. It was the most amazing love that flowed into me. I became aware of the dark hole within me, starting to reduce. I could see it shrinking and I felt this joy that it was going. Then it stopped. It was now the size of a milk bottle. I remember thinking, “Oh No, its not all gone”. I looked at him, not knowing what to do and he gently, lifted his arms and put his gentle hands around the dark hole inside my heart area and guided his hands together until it completely disappeared.
I cannot share in words how amazing this was. I hugged him and slowly came back to the room and being conscious of being on the phone with Linda. I couldn’t believe it. From that moment on, I felt like a huge weight was lifted from me. I felt lighter and more joyful.
Today, as I work with other course students, I use this visualisation with Jesus as a way to undo the unworthiness of joining him. I encourage everyone to try this. We feel so unworthy of his love. We do not have the capacity to undo the belief in our sin and guilt. He is the one that undoes it. His Love is the healing balm. Our job is to come to Him with our sin and ask him to shine it away. Love and hugs, Cate xxx